Top twenty allergy jokes

A laugh a minute – having allergies is no joke

Having allergies is not funny, but a bit of dark humour every now and then never goes amiss.

Meg the witch is allergic to frog's legs

Meg leaves out the frog’s legs!


Not many of these jokes are really that funny; there seems to be a serious lack of good allergy jokes. I know it is definitely not a laughing matter; people die every year from allergies so it is serious but a bit of humour goes a long way and laughter is definitely a good medicine. If you can laugh at yourself you will find it easier to cope with the every day challenge of living with life threatening allergies.

So here, for your enjoyment and to hopefully bring a smile to your face, let’s have a little laugh about allergies…

  1. Paul Merton on Just a Minute, Sept 2013 – “He’s allergic to mustard and his allergy is so bad he can’t even play Cluedo because Colonel Mustard brings him out in hives.”
  2. Q) Did you hear about the Frenchman who could only count to seven?
    A) He had a huit allergy.
  3. A picture of a cat wearing a dress spotted hanging in an allergy clinic with the following caption: We got rid of the kids, the cat was allergic. From the Atchoo Allergy blog.
  4. From The Allergy Asthma and Immunology Society Old Song Title: Blowin’ In The Wind by Peter Pollen Mary
  5. Humans and bees have something in common – hives!
  6. Another way to say that medications for allergic diseases are expensive: Robbing Peter to pay for Pollen
  7. I made this one up based on an actual experience that I had myself. I was in stitches but the waiter had no idea why I was laughing. An allergy sufferer went into their local restaurant for a meal and asked the waiter, “I have a nut and dairy allergy, can you tell me how this meal is cooked?”
    “Oh yes,” says the waiter, smiling helpfully, “It’s cooked in a Wok!”
  8. A long time ago I went to see comedian Milton Jones performing live and have always remembered one of his jokes. He did a sketch based on a gag about his schoolmates who, knowing he has a potentially fatal peanut allergy, force him to play Russian Roulette with a packet of Revels. I can remember eating these as a child, and I soon found out how to tell which contained peanuts in order to avoid them. This was before the days of Epipens; I just knew peanuts made me sick and didn’t eat them. If you’ve never had Revels before they are chocolate covered snacks which contain different centres: orange, peanut, coffee, maltesar, toffee, chocolate and raisin. Everyone has their favourite flavour and the makers of Revels created a very funny campaign around that very idea, the link has broken so apologies if you never saw it. Trust me, it was funny.
  9. If you are allergic to bananas you might like this joke from the Peanut Allergy forum:

    As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patients’ wrists. Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn’t eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses’ station demanding, “Who’s responsible for labelling my mother ‘bananas’?”

  10. This next one is my husband’s contribution so I take no responsibility: A man walks into a charity shop looking for a pair of trousers. The label inside declares, ‘May contain traces of nuts’.
  11. From Hazel Gowland of Allergy Action: From Top Ten Jokes at Edinburgh Fringe – No.5 Gary Delaney “I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.”
  12. The Allergic Convict: Did you hear the one about the convict who had an allergy? He broke out. Contributed by James Brink on the Readers Digest website.
  13. Damn this hay fever. I sneezed while putting fuel in at the garage today. Cost me £20. From Sickipedia
  14. May contain traces of nut – For the daredevils among nut allergists. From Sickipedia
  15. I bought some dry roasted peanuts from Tesco. I looked at the packet and it said “Warning. Contains Nuts”. Luckily, this prevented me from eating them and going into anaphylactic shock due to my severe nut allergy. My lactose intolerant friend wasn’t so lucky, as the half pint of milk he bought from Tesco outrageously contained no such warning of its contents. From Sickipedia
  16. We’ve discovered our daughter suffers from severe allergic reactions to wheat, soy, dairy and eggs.
    So her birthday cake this year is just a candle.
  17. On a bottle of sauce: “Recipe: nut free. Ingredients: cannot guarantee nut free. Factory: Nuts used elsewhere in factory.” Or in other words: “Nut allergy sufferers: DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?” From Sickipedia
  18. Customer: I’m allergic to all dairy like milk, butter, cheese etc, can I eat this salad? Waiter: Errr, no madam, it’s got egg in it. Customer: OK, egg. Right, but does it have any milk, butter, cheese, cream, yogurt? You know stuff from a COW? Waiter: Well no. But it’s got egg. Customer: When did you ever hear of a cow laying an egg?
  19. I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. – James Thurber. From Social Poets Blogspot
  20. Genetics plays a big role in allergies. – Shari Gruener (Make sure to thank your parents.) From Social Poets blogspot

I would love to hear from anyone who has any other good allergy jokes, and if I find any more I’ll add them to this post. Keep smiling ;o)

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About Ruth

Ruth works freelance as a copywriter and writes the What Allergy blog to share information with people who have allergies, eczema, asthma and food intolerances. http://www.whatallergy.com was voted in the top 5 allergy blogs and Ruth also judges regularly for the FreeFrom Food Awards and FreeFrom Skincare Awards. She runs a support group for the Anaphylaxis Campaign and also writes regularly for Exchange, The National Eczema Society quarterly magazine.

Comments

  1. for all the peanut allergic’s out there!! next time you take a piss make sure not to dribble any on your testicle’s…. Cause then you’ll have pea-nuts…

    • Shouldn’t that be peeee-nuts Brad? The ‘nut’ jokes seem to be popular with the guys! Thanks for sharing. I know i’m two years late in thanking you but just revisiting this blog post and your comment brought a smile to my face. Thanks!

  2. I am a fellow blogger and ran across this looking for a shining light of laughter in a dark allergy infested time in my life LOL
    Thanks for the funny laughs…I did use one of your jokes you shared on there and gave to a link back to here so hopefully you will get some new subscribers to your blog. I am enjoying it…best!
    Heather

    • Heather – I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I love your blog too. Keep up the good work. Hope you saw you got a mention recently on a blog I did about my favourite blogs…

  3. My son now aged 10 is allergic to egg and dairy and intolerant to soya. Spontaneity is most definitely not the order of any day.
    But whilst on holiday in Cornwall, a few years ago, and wanting sea-side fish and chips, I went into the chip shop and asked if they had a dedicated fryer for the fish and chips (to avoid cross contamination etc) “Yes we do.” came the reply “but he doesn’t start until 6 o’clock.”
    I was so grateful to that girl for making me laugh so much, even though she doesn’t know it, it’s a dark world sometimes.

    • Hi Clare, I missed your comment but today I found it when rewriting this job blog post. Your joke made me laugh. You have to try to have a positive attitude living with allergies and people can be very funny when they don’t mean to be. Thanks for sharing. :o)

  4. Amanda-Beth says:

    Ok so i habe mulberry and olive allergy yeah the fruit. So here is how convo goes with waitress. Me: exuse me. Waitress: yes. Me: I’m allergic to olives and anaphylactic to mullberries. Waitress: What happens when you eat olives? Me: half my face blows up like baloon.

    Sometimes i do get extermly itchy but my goal is to shut them up while being clever about it. Understand im allergic and back off do your job.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] OK, so back to work.  We have holiday parties coming up that we need to chat about and prepare for and more food options and recipes to find.  We need some serious “turn-this-frown-upside-down” action around here STAT.  So let me end this post on a high note with a food allergy joke.  I am giving credit to another blogger that I lifted this from because I thought it was cute and I like that they were trying to find some humor from the insanity so here is her link [...]

  2. […] Oct 12, 2009 … You are here: Home / Allergy Jokes / Top twenty allergy jokes … for a meal and asked the waiter, ???I have a nut and dairy allergy, can you tell me … [more] […]

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