Allergies aren’t funny but here are 20 allergy jokes

A laugh a minute – having allergies is no joke

Having allergies is not funny, but a bit of dark humour every now and then never goes amiss.

Not many of these jokes are really that funny; there seems to be a serious lack of good allergy jokes. I know it is definitely not a laughing matter; people die every year from allergies so it is serious but a bit of humour goes a long way and laughter is definitely a good medicine. If you can laugh at yourself you will find it easier to cope with the every day challenge of living with life threatening allergies.

So here, for your enjoyment and to hopefully bring a smile to your face, let’s have a little laugh about allergies…

1. Paul Merton on Just a Minute, Sept 2013 – “He’s allergic to mustard and his allergy is so bad he can’t even play Cluedo because Colonel Mustard brings him out in hives.”
2. Q) Did you hear about the Frenchman who could only count to seven?
   A) He had a huit allergy.
3. A picture of a cat wearing a dress spotted hanging in an allergy clinic with the following caption: We got rid of the kids, the cat was allergic. From the Atchoo Allergy blog.
4. From The Allergy Asthma and Immunology Society Old Song Title: Blowin’ In The Wind by Peter Pollen Mary
5. Humans and bees have something in common – hives!
6. Another way to say that medications for allergic diseases are expensive: Robbing Peter to pay for Pollen
7. I made this one up based on an actual experience that I had myself. I was in stitches but the waiter had no idea why I was laughing. An allergy sufferer went into their local restaurant for a meal and asked the waiter, “I have a nut and dairy allergy, can you tell me how this meal is cooked?”
   “Oh yes,” says the waiter, smiling helpfully, “It’s cooked in a Wok!”
8. A long time ago I went to see comedian Milton Jones performing live and have always remembered one of his jokes. He did a sketch based on a gag about his schoolmates who, knowing he has a potentially fatal peanut allergy, force him to play Russian Roulette with a packet of Revels. I can remember eating these as a child, and I soon found out how to tell which contained peanuts in order to avoid them. This was before the days of Epipens; I just knew peanuts made me sick and didn’t eat them. If you’ve never had Revels before they are chocolate covered snacks which contain different centres: orange, peanut, coffee, Malteser, toffee, chocolate and raisin. Everyone has their favourite flavour and the makers of Revels created a very funny campaign around that very idea, the link has broken so apologies if you never saw it. Trust me, it was funny.
9. If you are allergic to bananas you might like this joke from the Peanut Allergy forum:

   As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patients’ wrists. Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn’t eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses’ station demanding, “Who’s responsible for labelling my mother ‘bananas’?”

10. This next one is my husband’s contribution so I take no responsibility: A man walks into a charity shop looking for a pair of trousers. The label inside declares, ‘May contain traces of nuts’.
11. From Hazel Gowland of Allergy Action: From Top Ten Jokes at Edinburgh Fringe – No.5 Gary Delaney “I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.”
12. The Allergic Convict: Did you hear the one about the convict who had an allergy? He broke out. Contributed by James Brink on the Readers Digest website.
13. Damn this hay fever. I sneezed while putting fuel in at the garage today. Cost me £20. From Sickipedia
14. May contain traces of nut – For the daredevils among nut allergists. From Sickipedia
15. I bought some dry roasted peanuts from Tesco. I looked at the packet and it said “Warning. Contains Nuts”. Luckily, this prevented me from eating them and going into anaphylactic shock due to my severe nut allergy. My lactose intolerant friend wasn’t so lucky, as the half pint of milk he bought from Tesco outrageously contained no such warning of its contents. From Sickipedia
16. We’ve discovered our daughter suffers from severe allergic reactions to wheat, soy, dairy and eggs.
    So her birthday cake this year is just a candle.
17. On a bottle of sauce: “Recipe: nut free. Ingredients: cannot guarantee nut free. Factory: Nuts used elsewhere in factory.” Or in other words: “Nut allergy sufferers: DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?” From Sickipedia
18. Customer: I’m allergic to all dairy like milk, butter, cheese etc, can I eat this salad? Waiter: Errr, no madam, it’s got egg in it. Customer: OK, egg. Right, but does it have any milk, butter, cheese, cream, yogurt? You know stuff from a COW? Waiter: Well no. But it’s got egg. Customer: When did you ever hear of a cow laying an egg?
19. I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. – James Thurber. From Social Poets Blogspot
20. Genetics plays a big role in allergies. – Shari Gruener (Make sure to thank your parents.) From Social Poets blogspot

Are you allergic to bad grammar?

Being a writer and a bit of a grammar pedant this cartoon made me laugh, probably more so because I am all three, an allergic writer who is pedanatic about grammar. I saw it on Facebook last week and just had to share it.

Thought you could all do with some allergy laughs.

Anyone else allergic to grammar? I have to really stop myself correcting mistakes in emails from my clients sometimes. I’m never sure if it will go down well or not.

Anyone got any good allergy jokes to share?

What grammar mistakes really bug you?

I would love to hear from anyone who has any other good allergy jokes, and if I find any more I’ll add them to this post. Keep smiling ;o)

Don’t take your allergies too seriously and try to laugh at the funny side. It’s a serious condition but through humour we can find some light and lightness to help us through.

You may also be interested in:

• Jack Dee and Jonathan Ross on allergies
• Gaslit by a dermatologist for the last time
• Anaphylaxis – The Essential Guid
• Check out these 55 allergy jokes