And why I’m not writing any for 2022.
It’s that time of year when we reflect on what we have achieved and what we want to do in the coming year. We write lists of all the things we want to change for the better and I do love a list. But why is there all this focus on the new year being the time to finally become a New You!
What if just being me is OK. So this year I am not going to bother.
When your body is no longer functioning at it should, dreams, plans and bucket lists just seem like such an extravagance. A waste of time. Lofty dreams and sights set too high. Unachievable and unattainable when getting up and making healthy food is a success some days.
The image below kind of sums up my feelings.
Things to to do before… before what? Before I can heal? Before I die? Like my life will not be whole and perfect and eternally happy unless I complete this arbitrary list I came up with in five minutes brain storming.
Going through Topical Steroid Withdrawal and having life threatening allergies makes one feel so grateful for small things.
- Waking in peace and comfort.
- Living without pain and discomfort.
- Being able to enjoy good food safely.
- Having a functioning skin barrier
These are just basic needs and wants. Things we should all take for granted. But they’re things I’ve not really fully experienced for some time.
I have forgotten what it feels like to be truly at peace in my body.
I can’t remember the last time I had a really good night’s sleep.
I don’t know how to relax completely because the constant fight to not scratch and ignore the ever present itch is always there. I am on alert to avert the itching and maintain healing… it takes a toll.
I don’t mean we shouldn’t dream, plan and aspire to achieve our goals, but making lists of things, doing them and ticking them off doesn’t ultimately make you happy.
Quite the opposite, it can make you fee like you’re going nowhere.
What is a bucket list and why do we make them?
Bucket lists are usually things to do before you hit a certain age or a before you die! Resolutions are lists we make every year.
A list of aims, goals and activities that we think we’d love to do. Maybe we know someone else who has done these things or we’ve simply always wanted to do something. It could be anything depending on your circumstances in life and they can be great to give you some drive, motivation and ambition to explore, experience and give more back to the world.
Why do we do things like this? Do we think we’ll be a better person? Feel happier? Have more friends or be more respected by our current friends?
Do we do them to make ourselves feel better? Prouder?
I think it’s great to have dreams and to try to do the things you want to do, but climbing that mountain might not make you eternally happy.
And sometimes making lists of things you want to achieve can make you feel pretty crappy when you can’t do them, or fail to succeed when you try.
Sometimes getting out of bed before midday can feel like climbing Everest.
Turning to a friend or family member’s house can seem like a terrifying task because you don’t want them to see in a state.
So what if we throw out the bloody bucket lists and trash the resolutions.
What if what we strive for is simpler, quieter, gentler.
What I’ve learnt over the past 2-3 years is that it’s the simple things that make me smile, that bring me joy.
What’s in store for 2022
For me, my 2022 is going to look quite different. I will achieve things and I will crack on with my plans, like my next book which is coming along well… but what I really want to do is just to heal. I want clear skin. I want to wake feeling calm, comfortable and rested.
And the timelines on these things are not set in stone.
They will happen when they happen.
The things I AM going to try to commit to are the small daily changes that I know help me to thrive.
- Getting organised with lots of healthy fruit, vegetables and easy meals
- Daily Calm meditations
- Daily yoga or at least regular yoga, particularly Yin Yoga
- Walking often
- Getting into nature
- Gratitude journaling
- And getting back my running mojo which has most definitely left the building…
Because I’ll be honest, my skin has been healing and challenging me a lot in the latter part of 2022 and I’ve not stuck to any of the above. I’ve been doing my own meditations and affirmations that I will heal, I am beautiful and I am worthy and that helps. I am channelling healing and trying to remain positive but I’m dropping the ball on some of the basics.
Just to not be going through this eternal relentless groundhog day of Topical Steroid Withdrawal would be my ultimate goal in life right now.
We can learn a lot from stillness
So my only goal is to continue healing. To continue believing I will heal. And it’s hard, this healing. Because I flake off a face almost every day and that is often a painful experience. I struggle to sleep every night. I feel tired but I feel hopeful. And I have to push forwards because going back is not an option.
Number one on m list of new year’s resolutions is to give myself the self care and self love that my body needs to keep this progress going.
Finding real stillness in a life full of urgent, frantic itching activity is really hard, so if I could have one other goal it would be to find that stillness. Just one minute of real stillness, sitting with the emotions that are showing up that day, and just being OK with that. We can learn a whole lot from allowing ourselves to just be, and making time to do that regularly. Inner peace is something I would like to find more of.
And instead of writing long lists of resolutions I’m going to be proud of what I’ve achieved and just be thankful that I am a human being and just focus on the being, not the doing.
Did you write some resolutions? Do you feel they help? I would love to hear your thoughts below, please comment with your resolutions or thoughts on our need to write them.