It’s anti-bullying week so I wanted to have a bit of a chat . In particular, bullying someone because they have allergies. In order to survive with allergies in this world, you need to grow a tough skin. It does seem to be a condition that comedians feel it’s OK to have a pop at. We are laughable in the eyes of many. We are seen as fussy, freaks and that our allergies are not real.
Well let me tell you now. Allergies are very real. We did not choose to have them. People die from allergies. People die from asthma every day, and I think a lot of those deaths attributed to asthma are due to allergic triggers that were undiagnosed.
Sadly we do hear about allergy bullying more and more. We need to educate our kids and our friends that it’s not OK to make fun of us. And most importantly that allergies can be fatal and anaphylaxis can happen very quickly.
Bullying the allergy kid can be fatal
Bullying someone with an allergy can be fatal. As happened in the tragic case of little Karanbir Cheema, who died at school after having cheese thrown at him by classmates who thought it was funny.
You can read more here, Boy 13, with dairy allergy died after schoolmate threw cheese down his top, inquest heard.
I think we’ve failed both these kids. Karanbir deserved more respect from his peers; he lived with a life threatening allergy and did not deserve to be taunted in this way. An act of bullying that tragically led to his death.
But we also failed his classmates who didn’t realise how serious Karanbir’s allergies were. That poor kid has to live with what he did, in school, where both Karanbir and all the other children should be safe.
You can’t stop kids mucking about, but a 13 year old is mature enough to understand life and death and it should be possible for them to see the potential seriousness of this action. ie. throwing food at someone who you know is allergic to that food.
You wouldn’t expect a kid to die from just having the food thrown at them, but it still doesn’t make it excusable to hurl potential allergen triggers at anyone.
The peanut throwing incidents
It happened to me at school. Boys would throw peanuts at me during lunch break or stuff a load into my school bag, just waiting for me to find them and flip. But I never told anyone. I was a bit of a geek anyway and just got on with life. Emptied out my bag as best I could and cleaned it when I got home. It didn’t happen often but it was there. That undercurrent that my peanut allergy was somehow a laughing point.
Respect and understanding
We need to learn respect for our fellow humans.
We need to teach kindness and empathy.
And that starts at home. Kids who parrot their parents, saying things like ‘You can’t come to my party because you have allergies.’ are learning from Mum and Dad what is acceptable. I don’t think it is acceptable to exclude anyone just because you’re scared or don’t understand their allergies.
People need to have the guts to have a conversation. Admit that you don’t know about allergies, ask the mum or dad for advice. Just talk.
And stop taking the piss out of people with allergies. It is a hidden disability and it needs to be understood and respected.
If you are fortunate enough not to have allergies, lucky you. But don’t exclude and bully those who do. Ignoring someone and pushing them out of things because they are awkward and difficult in your eyes is also a form of passive bullying.
It happens to me even now. People use words like, ‘you’re a nightmare’ or ‘special needs’. And sometimes I take ownership and laugh it off and pretend it’s cool. But it’s really not OK. I’m not a nightmare, I’m just a scared girl trying to keep herself safe and that can make me neurotic and obsessed where food is concerned but I am not apologising for that.
Gosh sorry guys, got a bit ranty there. But I feel so strongly about this, and any bullying really. We need to embrace our differences and be more interested in understanding what each other is dealing with.
I really feel the root of this is kindness. If you can be anything, be kind.
Anyone else have experiences of being bullied because of allergies? Or their child being bullied?
Further Reading
- Enough is enough with the food allergy jokes – an article about allergy bullying from Allergic Living
- Let’s stop eczema bullying
- What would I say to my teenage self about allergies
- Lower quality of life for children with food allergies
Hi Ruth,
Love what you wrote here, people can be so unsympathetic and unkind when you have allergies as it is not happening to them personally, so they couldn’t care less. I am in so much empathy with you and anyone with these terrible food allergy problems and the nightmares faced just trying to get through the day to day in fear. For me I experience the same fear and difficulties but instead of reacting to food, I have reactive asthmatic lungs that can’t cope with perfumes, air fresheners and any chemical stinks in the air. As manufacturers are now making these horrible pongs so ridiculously strong that you choke every time you are in public spaces, i experience the same potentially life threatening attacks as food sufferers, just a different trigger! Sending love to each and every person who struggles to get by on a daily basis.
I don’t know how you cope Ruth! The smells don’t give me a reaction but I don’t like them. And you’re right, they are EVERYWHERE! I know many like you are housebound . We all just need to more thoughtful, kind and considerate. It costs nothing but means so much! Thank you your lovely comment
I am very lucky because my allergies are not life threatening but you are right about the bullying. I’m intolerant to a few foods and many people seem to think I have made a ‘designer’ choice by avoiding them but, no, years of being mildly unwell, followed by 20 years of being extremely healthy, have taught me that I’m better avoiding those foods. I do, at least, have a choice, as if I consume them I know I’ll feel unwell but I won’t die. But I have met a lot of intolerant people who just see me as ‘difficult’ and can’t be bothered to try to create something I can eat – which is a lot of things, to be honest. Through my own intolerances, I have become a lot more tolerant to people who do have intolerances and allergies and do my best to cater for everyone, no matter how ‘difficult’! A family recently visited my home and one of her children was over the moon because I had taken the trouble to make some gluten free and dairy free muffins for her – for once, she didn’t have to suffer shop bought cakes. As you can imagine, she went home with a doggy bag and Mum went home with the recipe!
Oh that’s lovely Sue! The cakes for your friend. When can I come to stay? Seriously though, thank you for your lovely comment. Intolerances can be very life limiting and antisocial! Pain and smells if you get my drift! It’s not being difficult it’s about staying well and avoiding discomfort! And like you say! You are most definitely much healthier for the new lifestyle