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Self image, reflections, mirrors, facial eczema and TSW

04/01/2022 by Ruth Holroyd 4 Comments

I’ve been thinking about my dual fear of mirrors and obsession with my magnifying mirror for a while now. I absolutely hate seeing my reflection in mirrors and photos, after a lifetime of seeing eczema, red and sore skin in them. However I now have an obsession with over analysing the poor state of the skin on my face with a magnifying mirror to assess the damage daily. The two things don’t mix well.

Inspired by this brilliant article by my lovely friend Nina Ajdin, Haunted by my own reflection on AtopicDermatitis.net, I can relate to so much of what Nina writes and her blog is well worth a read.

These are my reflections on reflections (geddit?).

Don’t like looking in the mirror?

Vinyl mirror stickers – The Real Skin Club – Use my code SHAPEOFSKIN at checkout for 20% of

If you also hate looking in the mirror, here’s a few tips that I find have helped me

  1. Avoid them – Take down the mirrors, avoid looking in them and just know that you are worthy. You are healing and you are beautiful. Save the mirrors until you can recognise yourself again if you find it really triggering. I have just one mirror in my bathroom that is screwed to the wall that I can’t avoid but otherwise, there are no other mirrors. I don’t need them right now.
  2. Talk to yourself – I started doing this after some therapy and I have to say, after an initial feeling of embarrassment that I sounded like a dick, speaking daily to myself in the mirror really helps me. I tell myself I’m doing great, just say Hey Ruth, how you doing? I tell myself I am beautiful, that I am healing, that I love me! I say, Hey Ruth I love you! Sounds corny but it works. I couldn’t even say the words I love you out loud to start with but after daily practise and lots of tears I can now say it and smile and know that it’s true.
  3. It’s OK to not like the situation – It’s completely OK and also understandable to not like what’s going on with your skin. If you have eczema, psoriasis or topical steroid affecting your face I know how tough that is. Know that you are not alone, this is not fair and it is not your fault. But you are still worthy, you are still amazing. You are still you inside and you’ll find your way to functional skin in time.
  4. Positive Affirmation mirror vinyls – I got some wonderful mirror vinyls with positive affirmations on them from The Real Skin Club. They’re brilliant, look really cute and are a constant reminding to myself to be kind, gentle and compassionate with myself. They say I am Enough, I am resilient and My skin does not define me. Use my code SHAPEOFSKIN at checkout for 20% of
  5. Would you talk like that to a stranger? – Remember that you need to find kindness for yourself and empathy for what you are going through. I’ll bet you would not judge a friend going through the same thing with so much harshness. Imagine you are talking to a loved friend, or even a small child. Be your best friend through this, it’s hard enough already!
Vinyl mirror stickers- The Real Skin Club – Use my code SHAPEOFSKIN at checkout for 20% of

Love hate relationship with mirrors

At the same time as avoiding my reflection in mirrors, I am obsessed with analysing my face in minute detail with a magnifying mirror. I’m pretty sure this is unhealthy, but it also helps me with my other obsession, picking off the flakes, and let me tell you, there are a lot of flakes. I sit with a magnifying mirror and my tweezers and gently remove any that are ready to leave my face and join the dust revolution in my house.

I don’t think it helps though as it solidifies my perception of myself, that my skin is always red, angry, dry, flaky etc. When in actual fact, often it looks a damn sight better than I think it does.

When your skin hurts and is itchy and permanently uncomfortable, it’s easy to imagine that just because you can’t stop thinking about it, everyone else can see how bad it is too,

Most people won’t notice, most won’t care and very few will actually be judging you.

Eczema cartoon
Eczema cartoon from the National Eczema Society

This funny cartoon from the National Eczema society portrays it too a tee. It might be visible but in our heads we build it up out of all proportion and catastrophise about the awful things people will think and say. This isn’t helped by the amount of comments stupid people make, something Nina shares about in here blog linked above. More on that in a future blog post about handling unwelcome comments.

It’s not easy, but if you can try not to let the odd few who make ill advised comments tarnish all your thoughts it will help.

No one should hide away from society because they feel unworthy, shame or not good enough.

No matter what we look like, we deserve our place in society.

The problem is that our society is so fundamentally based on how we look and as women, being ‘pretty’ seems to be the ultimate goal.

I’ve always stood out from the crowd and been and felt different. I’ve never felt part of discussions about make-up, clothes, getting nails done and things like that. I’ve always been the tom boy and wondering whether there is something wrong with me.

Because I do not wear make-up and I just don’t care what people think. I do take care with my appearance and like to get dressed up but I won’t be moulded into what society thinks a woman should be.

I’ve now come to realise, with age, that being different is what makes me so brilliant. It’s actually what draws people to me and makes people like me. I am unashamedly me and that’s OK. I no longer worry about being different, now I just get on with being happily a little bit crazy.

Right now I’m really challenging that ideal because most days I am covered in huge skin flakes, red, swollen and inflamed. I know I don’t look ‘normal’ but this is my reality at the moment.

As a society we all need to be kinder, to judge less, to find empathy for others and embrace facial difference.

Because every time you comment on a person’s appearance you may be making them feel like hiding away at home. Avoiding the mirrors and fearing coming out into society. Don’t be that person. Be better than that.

You may also find this blog, ‘Responding to difficult comments‘ interesting.

Finally, a poem I wrote about reflections

The Shape of Skin - poetry for eczema
Buy The Shape of Skin on Amazon today
I never look into the mirror.
In case of what I might see.
I'm always pointing the camera.
So it's never looking at me.

If I do spot my reflection.
I'm surprised to spy.
Not the horror I’m expecting.
But just me walking by.

There is always more to any book.
Than what is on the cover.
It’s not the only thing you see;
There’s hidden beauty to discover.

My skin is like a mirror.
Revealing how I feel.
I wish it was as smooth as glass.
But that would not be real.

Inside though I am happy.
Underneath the face you meet.
Contented with the life I have.
Not taking a back seat.
 
For more poems like this check out my poetry book, The Shape of Skin, available on Amazon.

I would love to hear your thoughts on mirrors. Do you hate them? Avoid them? Do you always think your skin looks worse than it is? and expect the worst because of thoughtless comments from unthinking unkind people?

Let’s reflect on how we see our reflection…

Related posts:

Default ThumbnailFacial eczema and mirrors – a short poem Macy has eczema and is now modelling for M&S skin friendly clothing range for kidsGirl with eczema now model A day in the life of TSW

Filed Under: Eczema, Mental Health, Topical Steroid Withdrawal Tagged With: avoiding mirrors with facial eczema, facial differences, hate reflection in the mirror, love your skin, positive affirmations for skin, positive self image for skin

About Ruth Holroyd

Author of 'Anaphylaxis: The Essential Guide: An Action Plan For Living With Life-Threatening Allergies' and 'The Shape of Skin, both available as paperback or Kindle on Amazon. Ruth is a Writer, Blogger and Patient Expert in allergies, asthma, anaphylaxis, eczema and topical steroid withdrawal.

Comments

  1. Marlene Hochstrasser says

    04/01/2022 at 4:17 pm

    Hi have you been offered the Biologicl drugs for your eczema . In my capacity as a field nurse I have been trained to teach patients how to self administer Dupixent. For atopic dermatitis and moderate to severe eczema. The results are very positive with seemingly minimal side effects.

    Reply
    • Ruth Holroyd says

      04/01/2022 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Marlene, My dermatologist has talked to me about Dupixent so I’m aware of it. At this point I’m afraid I’m so phobic, having also previously been told topical steroids were safe and that Protopic was safe enough to use as often as i wanted on my face. None of that was true and I’m now being gaslit by pretty much every professional doctor I speak to. I have a good relationship with my dermatologist but as he doesn’t accept TSW is even a thing I’m reluctant at this point to try it. I have heard good and bad reports from people using Dupixent but quite a few are coming off it now. I’ll wait a while to see if it really is safe as I’ve had enough damage done to my body and my skin to last me a lifetime. I don’t really understand the mechanics of biologics either. Like how do they work? And what are the seemingly minimal side effects? I didn’t get on with Methotrexate so it’s rather put me off to be honest.

      Reply
  2. Andrew Williams says

    05/01/2022 at 12:24 pm

    Ruth, thank you for a lovely albeit brutal & real person story and depiction of what it’s actually like to have the symptoms you have and how it affects you. I am sure that your words will resonate with many. Also, catastrophise is a great word.
    All the best,
    A

    Reply
    • Ruth Holroyd says

      05/01/2022 at 1:54 pm

      Thanks Andrew, it has been a really hard one for me. Dealing with my mental health when sometimes the person I see in the mirror doesn’t look like me anymore. The loss of my eyebrows and the swollen areas, inflammation and excessive flaking and dryness. It’s like looking at a monster, or a damaged version of yourself. And yes the word catastrophise is one of my favourites! I’m good at it! LOL. Lovely to hear from you and thanks so much for the comment.

      Reply

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Hi I'm Ruth. I've grown up with eczema and multiple life-threatening allergies and collected more as I've got older.  It started with a peanut allergy and now I'm allergic to milk, wheat, soya and many more. In this blog I share tips, advice and things I've learnt living with allergies, asthma and eczema with a focus on topical steroid withdrawal. You can buy my books, which are brilliant by the way! The first is Anaphylaxis: The essential guide and the second, The Shape of Skin, healing poems for eczema and sensitive skin. The reviews speak for themselves. If you want to chat you can find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn (links below). Do get in touch. And please comment on blogs, it makes a humble blogger do a little happy dance!

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