I thought I’d write about this because I’m taking my anger out on others. I am very angry at the moment.
And for that I apologise. If you have been on the receiving end, I am sorry. I don’t want to feel like this.
I have already apologised in person but I’m doing again. For the world to see.
Sorry to the Plusnet person… but seriously you better fix my wifi or I will be livid!
And I’m sorry to the people I work with. Nothing is really that important to get so upset about. Life is too short.
But I’m still angry…
Angry that I have a life threatening allergy to nuts and diary.
Angry that I have just had yet another avoidable anaphylactic reaction.
Angry that I cannot do anything about it.
I’ve been through this process before in September last year and I have learnt a lot about how to cope, so I’m arming myself with all the protection and tactics I need to get through this.
Last year I wrote a very useful blog post, “10 Tips for dealing with rage, fear and anxiety about anaphylactic attacks”.
I’m finding it invaluable to myself now and I wrote it!
But what I wanted to add to this is that through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) I learnt that it’s OK.
It’s a normal reaction to have after what’s happened.
So I’m saying Hi to rage and anger.
Hello again my old friend.
I’m not getting angry with anger because that won’t help.
Instead I am examining it. Looking at it carefully and letting it sit with me.
For now it’s not going anywhere. But it doesn’t want to be with me. It wants to leave just as much as I want it to.
I’m spending a lovely quiet evening in with my rage and my tears tonight. I’m going to write down how I feel and I’m going to burn the paper I write this on. Thanks Nat @intolerantGourmand for this reminder. I have done this before but had forgotten how powerful it was at helping me let go of past anger.
I won’t be sharing what is making me angry.
This is private. This is just between me and my rage.
Please respect my wishes not to talk about what has happened to me. I can’t at the moment but I will, all in good time.
Because I have learnt a lot and want to share it with you guys.
But watch out. Don’t annoy me because you just might get more than you bargained for…
The emotional cost of living with a life threatening and life limiting condition is very underlooked.
It isn’t treated. There is no cure.
Though we all carry around our Adrenaline injectors, our first line of defence should an attack happen, we don’t get any help dealing with the daily stress, exhaustion, exclusion, anxiety and pain living like this causes.
I have been so lucky to be able to self refer through Healthy Minds but I think this is only available in Buckinghamshire. I would highly recommend Healthy Minds to anyone in the area. It’s been a lifeline to me and I feel so privileged to have had this opportunity.
Are you angry? How do your allergies make you feel? Let’s chat. Together we make some of the pain seem less unbearable.
I’m very sorry to hear the excruciating impact on you personally Ruth of not only severe symptoms but also the daily barrage if issues that you list. As you will know, research shows that having ongoing food allergies is At least as difficult as having type 1 diabetes where people habe to inject twice daily to maintain a quality of life and life itself. My heart goes out to you as you grapple with the feelings it all engenders.
My sincere regards
Andrew
Thank you Andrew, i know you get it. And thank you for the comment. You’ve set me off again but I think in a good way… xxx
Great job talking about this as it’s an area of allergies that is so under supported. I’m angry at allergies, asthma, cancer and life for just being so unfair. Sometimes that can be overwhelming and can mingle with my anxiety so it feels like I’m walking on a knife edge – and you don’t want to cross me!! I saw a psychologist this summer and that really helped, partly because he validated and unpicked my feelings and also because he helped me with mindfulness. Focusing on the present, gratitude and EFT have really helped me manage my feelings. You’re doing great and as you say, all these feelings are natural and essential for dealing with life threatening situations. Take your time and know you’re helping others by talking about it xxx
Thank you Emma. Thank you so much. My brain is such a turmoil, I know yours is too. How you cope with the little ones too I do not know. You are an inspiration to me. It’s bad enough me keeping myself safe but how on earth do you cope when you have to let your kids out of your sight! I had some counselling this year too without which I don’t know what state I’d be in. But I’m learning every day through meditation, mindfulness, acceptance and gratitude. All things I have to work at very hard having spent my whole live trying to make those around me happy and neglecting myself. Thank you though. You made my cry too, but in a good way xxx. I do not feel so alone.
Thank you for this! My son (age 15) is anaphalactic to peanuts, but also has Type 1 diabetes and biopsy confirmed Celiac Disease. Honestly, I feel like the stress of all three have shortened my life. I think anyone living with life-threatening diseases carries this burden. It helps to admit the stress we feel, even if others blow us off, minimise it, or just can’t understand.
Hi Deborah, thanks for your comment. It does help to acknowledge the fear of coping but sadly most people don’t really want to know when you’re struggling so we struggle on and put on a brave face and pretend everything is OK. I really feel for you coping with Diabetes too. At the moment I’m just shrinking my life that is no way to live! I’m working on finding a place of gratitude and building up a close support network. I have an amazing support network. Now I just need to find a few places where i feel safe to eat out. Because I’ve lost trust at the moment. Have hope! There is always hope if you are organised, plan ahead and stay safe. it’s OK to not feel OK about that sometimes. But ask for help when you need it!
/Hi, I have read all these comments, it is awful, I just a few weeks ago suffered another severe angio edema attack, and ended up in hospital, with still no idea of what exactly causes it, food, stress, shock? I finally have been given 2 epipens after this serious attack, for next time, which will happen, which makes life awful, I too suffer from anxiety, this I think makes things worse. This has been going on for 8 years, along with asthma, we just have to hope these attacks will get less frequent and more research can be done to find out the causes.
HI
Very interesting reading…………….I feel exactly the same. I also have Anxiety and OCD, and along with this Nut Allergy, which most certainly doesn’t help me.
I am ‘terrified’ of eating anything that is new, even though I have checked, rechecked and got my husband to check too!! As I take the first mouthful, I silently pray that I will be ok and not react to it.
Trying to educate my friends and family is hard as well,….They mean well, but I still can’t put full trust in them to have checked the packaging properly…….
I worry constantly about life now!! 🙁