I’ve just read the book Let Them by Mel Robbins, it’s such an incredible book. I can highly recommend. What struck me whilst reading it was the many ways saying ‘Let Them’ can help you let go things that no longer serve you.
If you have allergies, like me, you will have felt many emotions, including sadness, guilt, anger and disappointment surrounding how hard it is to live with life-threatening allergies.
I have always been a people pleaser so I never want to be a burden, appear awkward or make things difficult of complicated. This can lead to me being blase or going along with something that I have not quite checked thoroughly enough. It’s hard to be searching for those subtle messages that are relayed through rolling of the eyes, sighing, or the lack of information.
People’s views of those with allergies
People have opinions about those with allergies and they judge us all by how we manage this. Things are made more complicated by the language we use; lactose intolarant, coeliac, gluten intolerant, allergic etc. It can be very confusing, particularly for restaurant staff who have only done a 30 minute online hygiene and saftey webinar that pays a fleeting attention to life threatening allergies.
Here’s what I mean…
Let them judge and let them be ignorant of the facts
Let them judge me for being very particular about my allergies – I have to be strict to ensure my safety and I’m cool with that and proud of how I advocate for myself and others.
Let them have a very limited allergen menu – they don’t have to serve me. There are plenty of places I can go. Let me take my custom elsewhere.
Let them ‘Pfft’ and ‘Non’ in my face – our experience on a recent holiday in Paris was laughable, how rude the waitress was. This was Paris, known for their rudeness, but still. When I showed my allergen card the waitress rolled her eyes, wouldn’t look me in the eye and just said “Mard, pfft!” and then when she returned, just a simple “Non!”. With the words Let them ringing in my ears I could see how funny this was. How like a joke or a parody of the worst waitress on the planet. But you know what? She probably didn’t understand how she coud keep me safe, I’d rather she was blunt about it than very polite and bringing me food that’s not safe for me to eat.
Just let them.
The book goes on to explain how this doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you and treat you badly. But some people won’t change, they can’t. So really letting them just be themselves without taking any offence or feeling a need to rise up. I often feel I want to stand up for myself if I feel misunderstood, to correct the wrongdoing and point out injustice. It rarely helps to do this. When you realise you can just let them, and move on, it’s liberating.
The follow on and most important part of Let them is Let me.
LET ME!
Let me remain polite.
Let me make a safe lunch to take with me so I know I am safe.
Let me take care of myself when I don’t have the tools available, like the language skills and knowledge of what places would be safer. It’s very hard doing research into safe places to eat from another country. I just didn’t have the mental energy and also didn’t know what we would be doing each and where where we be located for each meal.
Let me do whatever I need to do to stay safe.
Let me have a panic attack if that’s where my brain is going, and let me be kind and gentle with myself when this happens. It is my body warning me that it wants me out of that situation. Sometimes I try really hard to communicate, find information and confirm food is safe and when staff are not behaving in a way that makes me feel reassured, or information is not forthcoming, I HAVE TO be sensible.
Let Me educate the world one person at a time
And if I have the energy, let me explain my allergies in detail. Let me advocate when I have the strength to do so and educate people who do not understand.
But also let me run away and hide sometimes. It does feel like advocating is my lifetime’s unpaid job. A job noone asked me to do, but I do it anyway. I’ve had a huge break from blogging but I’m back!
Have you read Let Them by Mel Robbins? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
I am also doing an online course, “The Allergy Anxiety Method” written by Dr Francesca Sawyer, a Clinical Pschologist specialising in anaphylaxis and allergy fear. I will share more on this very soon.
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